Amare Quisquiliae
by Dark-Mage-XIII
Summary: The destined fight between two star crossed lovers takes a bit of a weird turn. Ahh young love in the trash of romance. (Crack Fic Take on Chapter 11 of my fanfic Final Fantasy VS XIII) Noctis x Stella. (Dubbed thee the LoveCan AU)


So uh, this is an AU...That was created when I was writing the Noctis vs Stella fight scene in chapter 11 of my fanfic Final Fantasy VS XIII. It was a collaborative effort on a fanfiction discord. Credits to SatuD2 and RaidenF for this amazing romance AU.

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 _ **Chapter XI:**_ _ **Amare Quisquiliae**_

"Mine eyes smell onions."

-William Shakespeare

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"Princess Stella Nox Fleuret?" I asked in a cold tone.

She looked up, her eyes widening in surprise. Wordlessly she ran closer to me but then stopped as she remembered something.

"Lord Noctis…" she almost whispered. A purple glow formed around her. A golden insignia, much like the one I had, appeared behind her.

In instinct mine appeared as well.

"This is my last duty as her servant," she said as she summoned her glaive, a rapier. The hilt was golden, the blade shining from the light of the moon. I summoned my glaive in my hand.

So this was how it was to end between us then.

"You lied," I stated, poised to strike.

"I know."

"Do you regret?"

She didn't answer; she darted towards me, lifting her blade to slam down on me. I blocked her blow, being forced backwards a little. I warped up and began descend upon her. Running back a few steps, she too warped to me. Our blades clashed, my anger towards her silence all but communicated in each swipe I took at her. She moved to swipe at my side but I moved out of the way with ease, taking my blade and forcing her up by her rapier up into the air. I grabbed her ankle and fling her towards the building. She landed on her feet gracefully.

Rapier still firmly in her grip, she leapt forward again, instead doing jabs with the tip of her weapon. I twisted around in midair to miss her strike but she caught my jacket instead. Her weight pulled on her sword and formed a huge tear down the back. As I'm falling backwards from the impact Stella teleports up above me, her knee poised to hit my gut. My armiger activates precisely at that moment and blocked the impending hit. Her knee gets briefly hit as she teleported away, back onto the ground.

Activating her own Armiger…Wait. "Since when did you have an Armiger!?" I gaped at her in midair. Her armiger weapons glowed gold in the moonlight.

"It's called I have no idea!" she yelled back, flying forward up towards me. She unleashes an entire barrage of weapons at me, slamming me down to the ground into an alley where a dumpster sat wide open.

The garbage broke my fall, but I could feel the slime and smell on me. Standing up, I wanted to rip all my clothes off and take a shower. Ugh. I pulled a banana peel off my hair.

Stella was standing there…laughing at my misfortune. I placed my hands on my hips. "This isn't funny Stell! I will never get the smell off…Ever!"

I felt an itch on my arm and looked over in horror to find not an itch but a cockroach. I flung it off in pure disgust. "Etro get it off!"

Stella shook her head at my lack of decorum. I didn't care. That was a goddess-given cockroach. Eww. Just eww. She flew over to me and took her boot off and slapped me in the shoulder with it. "Lord Noctis, get a hold of yourself."

Oh wait we had business to attend to still. "Lady Stella…" I growled, leaping forward with my Armiger and pushing her towards the wall. Her whirl wind of blades blocked my every hit. I lowered my defense and stopped my advance. Her hair was a rat's mess, but still beautiful. She too, lowered her defenses.

Then I moved forward and grabbed her by the wrist and launched ourselves into the air. I knocked her down to the ground as she had her eyes widened in surprise. She landed in another dumpster, the lid falling closed on top of her.

"Lord Noctis…I commend you for that tactic," her voice echoed out of the cracks as I heard the rustling of paper. After two minutes, the lid began to move up. I raised my blade in front of me, prepared to strike against her, against the only woman I had ever loved.

And her clothes were different. Her sleek black dress was now a dress made of newspaper, somehow done up like a proper party dress with ruffles of all things.

I looked at her in confusion. "How…did you manage to put it together like that in two minutes?"

She shrugged as she bared her sword, which had a fish speared on it. "I do not know, Lord Noctis." She flicked her sword and the fish came flying off and slammed flat against my forehead. The smell was absolutely nauseating.

"Ugh!" I exclaimed trying to wipe the slimy scaly rotten creature off of my face. I would need a thousand showers after this. "You will pay for that!" I declared.

A faint hint of a smile curled her lips as she dashed in close to me. "We'll see, Lord Noctis."

Kicks and swipes and stabs and blades clashing continued on through the night. IT came to the point when I was on my last knees with her. She seemed barely scratched for whatever reason, her dress perfectly fine, while my own fatigues were torn mostly to shreds. My shirt was half falling off at this point. Somehow, my pants and boots survived the endless duel.

Stella retreated back into the dumpster I was thrown into and pulled out a banana peel, the same one that was in my hair. "Protect against this smell, Lord Noctis Lucis Caelum, and I shall concede," she breathed out.

"Bring it, Lady Stella Nox Fleuret," I said, pushing myself to stand up straight. A king must always be a gentleman, even towards their enemies in a duel.

Death by banana peel was coming. She threw the peel at me, aiming directly at my face. I phased back effortlessly, dodging it right on time.

But it also put me in magical stasis. "Damn it!" I cursed under my breath, limping forward from no energy. All I could focus on was standing up, and Stella Nox Fleuret before me, in a newspaper dress. She still looked sexy no matter what she wore.

Why were we fighting in the first place? Oh right she lied to me.

The two of us collapsed against the dumpster can on the street, only trash bags to cushion the ground. Our hands released our grip on our weapons.

I fell asleep, thinking of her lies and manipulation, but most importantly, how did she create a dress like that from just newspapers in so little amount of time?

The most baffling question of all.


End file.
